Eye of the Tigress

I need to do a few more study drawings, but I think I like this so far. I have to think about how exactly I would make the head for the piece. Last night I spoke with http://www.maycwilson.com/ about using fiberglass and resin for my end product. I plan to buy some this weekend to do a small test. I mainly want to buy this stuff so I can rub my face in it and breathe in the fumes, particles and dust. I have this thing for flesh-eating rashes.

Three words: fiberglass fashion show.

Find Your Power Animal

Normally on my figures I simply put a face that looks similar to my own but I am thinking I might put the face of an animal on my ‘cathartic birth’ piece. Reflecting on my experiences as a mother, I’ve been really gravitating towards the idea of maternal instincts. Specifically I’ve been thinking of the primal need to protect offspring in the animal kingdom. It is very powerful feeling knowing that I would give my life to protect my son, just as many mammals do everyday. The instinct to protect mirrors the birthing process. It’s strong and uncontainable… deliberate and with purpose.

I haven’t decided if this imagery would overwhelm the piece all together… but what part about the birthing process did I experience that was not completely and utterly overwhelming?

I’ll have a couple drawings tomorrow to try and hash out the idea. My gut says go for it.

Face Paint and All...

Breastfeeding, for me, was really difficult. I think I was under the impression that the whole process would be very natural and just kind of happen. In a way, it did… but it was a lot of work that I hadn’t expected. Breastfeeding was always portrayed to me as a beautiful and special experience that only a mother can have. Although it was a somewhat special process… I think no one really prepares you for how painful it can be. The breasts that I once knew were now temperamental water balloons that constantly felt over filled and in the way. I couldn’t get comfortable while lying down anymore. I leaked. I clogged. I cried. Breastfeeding is all about timing. If you don’t feed at even increments, your milk supply that is to be used to feed your child could increase unnecessarily, causing you pain, or deplete to a point where you may have to switch to formula. It was all a balancing act that took a few months for me to accept and get used to. Was it worth it? I think so. Was it uncomfortable? Definitely. Would I do it again? We’ll see. (That would entail having another child… hm. Let’s think on that one).

Something that I’ve been thinking about, now that Brody has been transitioning to formula and my milk supply is drying up, is how the breasts are very rarely thought of as a means to feed a baby. 99% of the time, they are seen in a sexual light. How often do you think people see a woman with extreme exposed cleavage and think “wow, I bet her kids are feeding real well off of those…” Yea no… never. Breastfeeding has made me realize that I don’t think I’ve even thought of my breasts as anything more than just… there. Now I see them as my son’s nourishment. I’m not sure I could ever go back to thinking of them as exclusively sexual beings anymore because I’ve literally used them as tools for the last 6 months. Such pain and suffering has come from breastfeeding, but I feel so accomplished that I tried and made it to 6 months.
Breastfeeding warrior… face paint and all… storming the walls with boulders (literal… boulders..)… that’s a site to behold. I’m sure a lot of women actually do feel that way after wading through the pain, lack of sleep, infections… it’s all for our children.

At times I’ve felt that my breast were huge, uncomfortable, weights on my chest that were so full… but at the same time a beautiful means of feeding Brody and almost a physical sign of motherhood. I learned in one of our prenatal birthing class that the breasts never fully develop until you have a child and the milk ducts begin to mature. Even though I am almost done breastfeeding, my breasts will never physically be the same. (Insert a joke about sagging here…).

I made this mockette of a woman with embellished breasts that are heavy, hanging in the way of everything… but beautiful in their own right. The woman stands stoic and noble. She embraces her gift.

Silicon Valley Open Studios 2011

For those of you in the Bay Area, I will be participating in the 25th Annual Silicon Valley Open Studios three weekends this May. Please come and visit me and I'll show you all my work!


May 7th-8th 11am-5pm

May 14th-15th 11am-5pm

May 21st-22nd 11am-5pm



Palo Alto Studios

The cubbie upstairs... :)

4030 Transport Street

Palo Alto, California 94303


http://www.paloaltostudios.com/

The Space Between

Disconnect: disjoin, unfasten. An unbridgeable disparity (as from a failure to understand). “a vast disconnect between you and I.” A break or interruption in an existing connection between (you and I). abrupt: marked by sudden changes in subject and sharp transitions."The iron is disconnected.” Confused, scattered thoughts. The act of breaking a connection. *Staccato applause*. To Relate (takes effort). To have a connection; To interact; To respond through reaction; To identify with, understand. An abstraction belonging to or characteristic of two entities or parts together. Being connected either logically or causally or by shared characteristics. Mutual dealings or connections among persons. You are having a hard time relating, causing a disconnect. Relating. i.e.: Empathy. Understanding and entering into another's feelings. Literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings. The intellectual identification of the thoughts, feelings, or state of another person; capacity to understand another person's point of view or the result of such understanding. Ability (inability) to emotionally relate to another individual's emotional state. A sense of shared experience, including emotional and physical feelings, with someone or something other than oneself (yourself). The action of understanding. Characterized by understanding based on comprehension and discernment and empathy; "an understanding friend.” sympathy: an inclination to support or be loyal to; "I knew I could count on your understanding.”{see disconnect}.


Unconditional. not modified or restricted by reservations. Absolute, and without conditions, limitations, reservations or qualifications. tions.

Failing

I’ve never been too concerned with “failing” in terms of my art career… but ever since I had Brody, that thought has been in the back of my mind. The last thing I want is for Brody to grow up and ask me why I’m not making art if I have a degree in it. What a waste of space I would be if I didn’t apply myself and show him that I could be a great mother for him and continue to make. How could I ever tell him not to give up when things got hard if I give up now? It’s important that he sees Zachary and I achieve our goals as he grows up. Brody can be and do anything that he wants. He needs to see that it’s possible so he can be free to take his own risks and make his own mistakes.

Progress

Here are some progress pictures from my studio work this week. I really feel that being as busy as I am with Brody (who’s almost 6 months old!!), working full-time, and trying to get some rest here and there… I’m more productive than I ever have been in my studio work because I’m gifted with very few hours to work. Since I have to drive to the studio, I have to commit to going and make sure I’m productive while there or else its not worth taking away from resting or being with Brody. I find that I am working faster and more deliberately than I ever have. There’s certain urgency in my making. A part of me feels I’m trying to prove myself to those around me… to prove that even though I am a mother now, I can still make… I’m still an artist and I can still develop my career if I’m determined enough.  I now dedicate approximately 15 hours a week towards studio time and an additional 4 hours a week towards updating my website, blogging, documenting, and applying to shows. I feel like I have three full-time jobs!! Even though I’m exhausted come the weekends, its all worth it because I feel like I’m having my cake and eating it too. I get to see Brody as much as I normally would with the exception of a few hours on the weekend (special daddy hours). I work when Brody sleeps… am fueled by caffeine all day long… and crash at night for a few hours of broken sleep. These pictures show progress that I am damn proud of. It’s proof if not to anyone but myself that I’m doing it all and won’t settle for less.

Back to Basics

I knew I’d like having a studio space but I had no idea it would be so liberating! It’s nice having a place that is completely separate of my home where I can work, be messy, listen to music loudly, and not have to really worry about anything. I hadn’t realized how much I work with toxic materials so it is wonderful to be able to work freely with any material I want and not have to worry about killing off my family. I moved into my studio New Year’s Eve day and have only spent a few hours there, but I’m already in love. Now I have the daunting task of unpacking! I think it’ll take me a weekend to get everything set up the way I want it… but well worth my time and effort. Will post pictures once I’m all set up! Can’t wait to start working on my first piece!