The Cathartic Birth

I have a studio space I’ve acquired a few miles from my apartment.  I’ll be moving in come January 1. I’m excited to be able to make large pieces again! I’ve been creating these mockettes for the last few months and honestly… I hate mockettes. I get absolutely no satisfaction from doing them at all. I can see the benefit of seeing if the initial project idea will work and all but it’s just not as involved and exciting as making a life-sized piece.

This is a recently completed mockette that I plan to make life size come January:

It’s made out of wire, parchment paper, and masking tape. Nice and cheap materials! This is my general response to being pregnant and the cathartic birth process. For those of you who did not hear the story of Brody’s birth, I was in labor for about 36 hours. I ended up receiving an epidural but not until the very end. I was about 7 hours from when I delivered when the pain became too much for me to handle. I can’t even describe the pain. I think I would still try and do it naturally if I were to have another child since I had to be induced with Brody. Being induced makes the contractions unnaturally strong and close together. I’ll always wonder if I could have done it naturally if I was not induced. We’ll see someday I’m sure!

The whole birthing process was like being in this weird bubble where time stands completely still. It felt like forever but also really quick.  Giving birth was the hardest thing I’ve ever accomplished in my life to date and this sculpture is of a pregnant figure being stretched beyond human means. The hands are cupped, as if to receive communion.  In a sense, having a child is the unspoken sacrament that every good Catholic should be sure to do.  The cupped hands are distanced from the figure, as a visual representation of my own separation from the church and my wavering belief in god. When I was younger, I always said I would never have kids. I think this stemmed from the pressure from the Catholic Church and my family to have kids.  When my husband and I got married, we had to sign a document that stated “when” we had kids (not if), we would promise to raise them Catholic. (Brody won’t be baptized at this time… I just don’t feel right deciding that for him… but that’s a topic for another post). I didn’t think much of this ‘Catholic-contract’ at the time of signing it… but when Zach and I started talking about having a baby, I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to have kids on my own terms. I didn’t want to have children because a religion told me I should or because my family wants me to. I wanted to be 100% positive that I was ready to be a mother and give unconditional love to my child(ren). I thought about it long and hard because I knew it would change my ability to make art or travel. Ultimately in the end, I decided that I wanted to be both a mother and an artist. 

I’m grappling with what materials to make the larger figure with. A part of me feels it should be done in an all white material such as plaster or marble dust/resin with some copper wire accents. White being pure and clean and the copper wire color being precious.  Everything would be clean and pristine. I’d also like to make the figure with all natural materials such as burlap and jute fibers covered sloppily with amber shellac. The figure would look almost moist because of the sheen of its finish, which would speak to the birthing process in all its frantic messiness.